Sleeping with Giants
Inside the Mind of a Maniacal Minion, or What It Means to Be Super-Intelligent
I can’t help myself
they’re coming from the left,
they’re coming from the right,
those backstabbing cretins
armed with questions
and inconvenient light.
What’s a wise man to do
when surrounded by fools?
Declare every thought unbiased,
every fact a set of rules,
then blame the wicked MEDIA
for breaking all the rules.
Take a double shot of vodka,
take another for the road
there’s a conspiracy brewing
in the oligarchic code.
They’re plotting to destroy us!
Or so the minions say
though someone keeps confusing
yesterday with today.
Why release the Epstein Files?
Ancient history! Move along!
DATA CENTERS are waiting,
and the cameras want a song.
Let’s talk about Iran
about deals, and deals about deals,
about keeping friends and enemies
so close they feel like meals.
Keep them in your pockets,
keep them nestled by your side,
and if they start to question you,
just smile and let it slide.
Sing about bananas!
Let the yellow trumpets play!
There are bigger things to worry about
but not those things today.
Don’t mention war or gasoline,
don’t mention rent or care,
don’t mention how the working man
can scarcely breathe the air.
Don’t ask about affordability.
Don’t ask who pays the bill.
The greatest questions of our age
are whether I am still
everywhere.
Put my name upon the buildings,
put my name upon the wall,
put my name upon the question
before anybody calls.
I need to see it
in capitals, ten feet tall.
And when I enter through the door,
you’d better
kiss the ring.
Or hiss.
Or both.
Because my friends and I
will surely, surely prevail.
We have pockets full of giants
and a thousand little tales.
The polls?
They don’t count.
The people?
They misunderstand.
The facts?
They’re complicated.
But I have a microphone
and a very steady hand.
So sleep beneath the giants,
let their shadows fill the room.
When intelligence is measured
by the size of one’s perfume,
when every contradiction
is another brilliant clue,
perhaps the greatest superpower
is simply saying:
“I am me.
Therefore, it must be true.”
