Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts

Friday, November 4, 2011

Steps to Sanity (from a Survivor)

The fourth step is to BE KIND or as I like to call it, Detaching with LOVE Mr. Spock.

Isn’t that brilliant? So how do I do that?  Read my lips, I am not a Vulcan. This isn’t Star Trek, I actually have feelings, feelings that I can’t just shut off like a water faucet. So HOW am I going to perform this act? The circus left town.

In order to be kind you need to step outside of your feelings for a moment, you need to do just what is askedwithout over analyzing and putting your own smarter point of view over on people. If they need a ride to work and you are already going that way, stop and give them a ride. It’s just keeping it simple. addressing the need and keeping it real. You may not approve of their lifestyle or behavior at the moment but you can still be kind.  You can listen, offer advice when they ask for it, and then you can mind your business and get a life.  

By get a life, I mean invest some time in things that inspire you, things that may have been set aside because you were too busy with a career or raising a family. After my husband and I retired I took up Golf and learned much more than a game, I learned how to live and become a classy mature woman.  I learned to take my experiences and make them count for something. I learned that I had something worth sharing outside of those dark meeting rooms. Al-Anon is great when life is too overwhelming, I recommend it in the beginning but if you are still there after thirty years and you’re not a sponsor, you are still stuck. You, my friend, need to get a life.

From Al-Anon’s Courage to Change © 1992
Today’s reminder Nov. 4
I no longer have to depend on any one person or situation (meeting) to get on with my day.   Today I have choices.

"Consider the little mouse, how sagacious an animal it is which never entrusts his life to one hole only." ~ Plautus

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Step to Sanity--cont.

2. The second step is that YOU need to CHANGE
YES --YOU and your significant other and the way you relate to YOUR ADDICT. You need to stop and think before you buy them a new car, pay for college, pay for their apartment, groceries. What do you think you are you telling them if you still want to take care of them?  You’re telling them that they can’t take care of themselves. You’re telling them that you don’t have any faith in them, that without YOU they are NOTHING. And I KNOW that that is NOT what you meant!
You meant to reward them for accomplishing their goal. You meant it to be a help up—not a hand out. But that isn’t what you are saying, bless your hearts. That is why YOU need to CHANGE. Because even though you mean well, you are the biggest part of the problem.  I went so far as to make friends with the so-called well-adjusted families.  What did they do that we didn’t?  I was on a mission.  Guess what I learned?  They have problems too, only they handle them DIFFERENTLY. My husband used to say, be like Mr. Spock from Star Trek, BE LOGICAL.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.
In order to change you need to read or better still listen to WHO MOVED MY CHEESE by Spenser Johnson MD.
My paraphrase from an old copy of Courage to Change-Al-Anon Family Groups © 1992
November 1
Todays’ reminder
Sometimes I have to let go of a problem before I can find a solution.  My thoughts racing inside my head may be too noisy to hear my inner voice or the guidance it is offering.  Quieting the noise is a skill I can learn with practice.  In Al-Anon practice makes progress, one minute, one thought at a time.

“All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone”~ Blaise Pascal

Sunday, October 23, 2011


I’m moving on
the old boundaries of
I do not do that
I don’t think I can
I’m too old and
I’m afraid.

I’m plotting a new course
steering clear of old distractions
three steps forward
two back
taking the time
to listen and learn.

Pressing on because I MUST
and sidetracked
I hunger for what is comfortable
choosing safety
quelling my passion.

AND yet, I thirst
to make a difference
to leave my mark
to plant a seed, my seed
in the wild weed-ridden
misconstrued fields.
Hoping to turn wildflowers
into diamond pink petals and
lavender lined gardens
into a redolent harvest
of hybrid teas.

My arms open
willing to absorb the risk
stir in a bit of pain, discomfort.
I step up
into judgment
reaching out past the wise ones
the kupuna who have led me up to this place
the highest, most precious peaks
in the shadow of the Koolau
spreading their velvet-green robes
my self-imposed
self-absorbed limits
crowning present possibilities
seated upon this
pivotal throne.

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