Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fear. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Leaving Neverland


What stopped me
all the time
was
the lack of cash
the self-doubt
the fear that I wouldn’t make it on my own
You assured me of that.

Everyone
including your mother, warned me to
put some money away
because even though I was in love
and blind
they know how you are.
I reasoned that the time was not right
that perhaps if I gave it a chance
I would change you
or even
see things from your
point of view
but
that never happened.

On countless occasions
when you snowed me
I had decided that I must be insane
to doubt you.
After all
you were a good provider
and always right
even when you were wrong
you were right
because
you told me so.
And I being the younger
less mature one
I would have to abide by that fact
unless of course
I could come up with some hard facts of my own
I didn’t.
I wanted so much to believe.

I gave up on myself when I met you
Your master plan was to shape me into a Wendy
I just had to cooperate
I didn’t
I fought you tooth and nail
You told me to just do it and not to think
Don’t think!

I thought
I don’t have to be here at all.

I can conjure another Peter Pan
he can claim me as one of the found
we can have adventures together
be kids
I could just be me.  And this Peter

this Peter would be proud. 

Thursday, November 3, 2011


Step number three is let go of your FEAR:
Again, I know, this is like asking for a miracle.  I can hear what you are thinking because I’m psychic.

But, what if something happens to him/her And I’m Not There? What if he/she needs a ride somewhere? You know important shit like--What will he/she eat? Where—OMG—will he/she sleep-- If I’m NOT THERE?  My son spent plenty of nights sleeping on the beach, under a tree, on a chair, or on the floor of some garage.  And I in all my magical godlike powers was right there with him—WORRYING! Funny in retrospect, that doesn’t sound too godlike does it?
You can’t live their lives for them and you shouldn’t even try!  I remember how I was at that age—you couldn’t tell me anything. I had to learn it for myself. What made me think that my child was any different?
LETTING GO OF YOUR FEAR will set you free. It will un-stick you, remove the paralysis that threatens to take you down and swallow you like quicksand.
I know that when I do something positive instead of worrying, like going to a meeting,  for a walk, taking a yoga class, or volunteering,  will help. Taking that first step, finding people in the same situation as yourself, and getting out there will take you out of your self-imposed isolation. It will restore you to sanity.
My take—on Al-Anon’s Courage to Change © 1992
I am proud of the fact that I am a survivor. I've experienced  many struggles in order to arrive exactly where I am today. Today I know that I am  much MORE than my troubles.  I am a human being with dignity.  I have a wealth of knowledge that I can share with others who are going through similar difficulties.  I needn’t FEAR the challenges of the future. I know that I am a stronger person as a result of what I have been through. I am ready to pass it forward.

“When it gets dark enough, you can see the stars.”~ Charles A. Beard

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Fear

Fear 
demands
that you toss 
the could have had
avoid all the should have’s
not matter what the price don’t make 
a fuss.

It glares through your eyes
and into your brain
cheering you on
discouraging you from 
drawing undue attention to it 
or making waves.
It is a coward
droning its mantra
into your ear 
until you believe 
uniting with others who feel as you do
accepting it as fact
distrusting your basic instincts
no longer seeking help
or listening to reason.

Hypnotizing 
you into acceptance and apathy
It will have you 
acknowledging that it is selfless
seducing you for your own good
insisting that you follow its lead
persuading finally 
that you come quietly
and not argue.
Altering forever
what would have been
into what must be.

**Inspired by Happy Family—a film at the Italian Film Festival in Honolulu.



http://www.cinemaitalianoinhawaii.org/

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