Showing posts with label Al-Anon Family Groups. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Al-Anon Family Groups. Show all posts

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Steps to Sanity cont.


The fifth step is Forgiveness
Forgiveness is another form of detachment.
Addiction is a family disease. There is no getting around it. It’s in our DNA. Although some people think that we are at the mercy of our genes, our environment and our upbringing, I strongly disagree. It is a CHOICE. Sooner or later, no matter how you interpret it; it is time to GROW UP.
Addiction is a CHOICE that we make on a daily basis, nothing more and nothing less.
But let me ask you, for the sake of argument, if your family had Cancer or Alzheimer’s would you be mad at them? Of course not, you would do everything in your power to be supportive, to make them as comfortable as possible and to show them how much you love them.
Addiction is a little trickier though, because of the stigma attached to it.  We love them but our thinking has become distorted and so we end up showing our love in inappropriate and unhealthy ways.
Todays’ reminder from Al-Anon’s Courage to Change ©1992
Every time I try to tighten the noose of resentment around someone’s neck, I am really choking myself. Today I will practice forgiveness instead.
“You can’t hold a man down without staying down with him.”~ Booker T. Washington

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Step to Sanity--cont.


2. The second step is that YOU need to CHANGE
YES --YOU and your significant other and the way you relate to YOUR ADDICT. You need to stop and think before you buy them a new car, pay for college, pay for their apartment, groceries. What do you think you are you telling them if you still want to take care of them?  You’re telling them that they can’t take care of themselves. You’re telling them that you don’t have any faith in them, that without YOU they are NOTHING. And I KNOW that that is NOT what you meant!
You meant to reward them for accomplishing their goal. You meant it to be a help up—not a hand out. But that isn’t what you are saying, bless your hearts. That is why YOU need to CHANGE. Because even though you mean well, you are the biggest part of the problem.  I went so far as to make friends with the so-called well-adjusted families.  What did they do that we didn’t?  I was on a mission.  Guess what I learned?  They have problems too, only they handle them DIFFERENTLY. My husband used to say, be like Mr. Spock from Star Trek, BE LOGICAL.  But I’m getting ahead of myself.
In order to change you need to read or better still listen to WHO MOVED MY CHEESE by Spenser Johnson MD.
Well……
My paraphrase from an old copy of Courage to Change-Al-Anon Family Groups © 1992
November 1
Todays’ reminder
Sometimes I have to let go of a problem before I can find a solution.  My thoughts racing inside my head may be too noisy to hear my inner voice or the guidance it is offering.  Quieting the noise is a skill I can learn with practice.  In Al-Anon practice makes progress, one minute, one thought at a time.

“All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone”~ Blaise Pascal

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