The English Teapot and the Ceramic Pitcher

T: The Queen sends her regards. She trusts her subjects are well?

P: I am humbled, that the Queen would take the time to ask. What does her royal highness think of the current world view?

T: What do you mean?

P: Why, the end of the world dearie! Do keep up!

T: Ah yes the end of the world, The Queen is taking a no comment approach to this matter. Personally I believe it is pure and utter nonsense.

P: Oh yes, well down here in the trenches, we are taking bets. Right now it stands at 100 to 1 against. So, are you in?

T: Good gracious NO! I have my station to consider. It wouldn’t be proper. After all what would the Queen say?

P: The Queen is in it up to her eyeballs! She’s wagered the crown jewels against it but she’s a crafty wench! The royals will stay in power either way.

T: So what kind of liquid are you holding?

P: Nectar of the gods, dearie!  Dark warm ambrosia, guaranteed to cure what ails you. The Monks have been working on this recipe since the Dark Ages.

T: What’s the recipe?

P: I’ve been sworn to secrecy. I’ll be castrated, if I tell!

T: Castrated-WHERE?

P: Do you see that top band around my neck?

T: Yes?

P: Well, don’t spread this around but, it is the weakest part of my anatomy, if it cracks that’ll be the end of me. I will be rendered useless. They will send me to the compost piles...

T: NO- NOT THE COMPOST PILES!

P: I’m afraid so, and then I will be banished from the kingdom and no one will ever speak to me again.

T: You need not worry my Brave Heart, I vow on my honor as a lady in waiting to vouch for your character.

P: Thank you, my lady-If you please, do you have some spare cups to pour some of this precious nectar into; there's a good friend?

T: There you are, Brave Heart---I trust that there is plenty more where that came from. I have an idea, let’s toast to the end of the world!

P: Cheers, My Lady!

T: Cheers, Brave Heart!

 Moral: Don’t pass up a friendly pitcher of warm ale. It may be your last chance to party with friends!

Asses and Elbows

*** Image of Contortionist by hagenrock on photobucket.com


Look Mom, I can stuff
my head plus one elbow, up my ass.
Quick come see, what do
you think of this? Maybe I
could get a job in the circus
you know one of the sideshows?
Say yes, please, pretty please? I promise
to send the extra money home.
What do you mean, what about the dog?
Of course, him too! I’ll make him
part of the act.
He can hold the flashlight!

I Should’ve Had a V-8

Tanka 5-7-5-7-7

Should have stayed in bed

played with the puppies, practiced

Zen meditation

taken stills of three Pacu

gliding through cool clear water.

On the Prowl

 A nonet has nine lines. The first line has nine syllables, the second line eight syllables, the third line seven syllables, etc... until line nine that finishes with just one syllable. It can be on any subject and rhyming is optional.




Sprawled atop the comforter, clever
white whiskered kitten cries and purrs
wrinkles tiny nose at twin
scratches mirror double
meows at smudge when
mouse emerges
game changes
hunter
food.

Roar

Volcano's red howl

excites rare Hawaiian goose,

lava cracks dwelling.



They Don't Bark

His didn’t.
Three months and forty pounds ago
we loaded
our new puppies, two Bull Mastiff brothers
into the
back seat of the car.
Our little bundles of joy
playful, cuddly, lick your face
tail wagging
pistons of power.
Muscle pups
that fly
eat rocks
like tissue paper, and
leap through the air
like they were shot
out of a gun.
Small giants
still growing.
Two heart throbs
tweaking
evocative cords.
That chatter in tongues
that only their mother,
a brawny brindle lass, with pink toenails
that lives in Aiea,
could appreciate.

Meanwhile
Uncle Zeus
his most royal Great Dane highness
has completed the first round
of inspections
and graciously agreed
to teach them the ropes.
So far,
he has taught classes in:

  I.   The Perimeter
 II.   Mapping out the exact corner where the neighbor’s dogs live
III.  How to mark your territory
IV. Where to drink water out of the pond
 V.  I have the bone and you can’t have it
VI.  Midnight Howling

They all got an A
in that last subject.

I am so proud.

Our choir
is a dedicated group.
They practice every
time they hear a siren.
Sometimes they will wail
up to three or four times a night.
In fact they enjoyed Midnight Howling so much
they have already enrolled in the daytime course.
We’re planning on sending them
to the AKC national competition
maybe even hire a handler.
I am curious
about their pedigree though?
This particular trait
must have skipped a generation,
because their
Mom and Dad,
don’t bark.

Blood Sport

I see you over der Zeus.
Did ya eat?
Did ya have a good breakfast?

Oh, Oh

What are THEY eating now?

Apollo, don’t eat that!

What is that?
OMG, He’s eating shit!
NO, Apollo
Ehh, Ehh! Ehh, Ehh!
Don’t EAT THAT!
PEW, talk about ya bad breath!
Drink Water Apollo!
Go rinse ya mouth!

Rocky?
NO, Rocky, Eh ,Eh! Eh, Eh!

Leave that chicken ALONE!

OMG, that feral chicken is in his mouth.

He’s clamped down on it.

Oh shit, the chicken’s ass is gone!

There are feathers everywhere.

I can’t look!

No ZEUS No,
not you too!

Apollo stay!

Zeus!
Rocky!

God, are you watchin this?
I need a break!