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natural world

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Comedy Theme-cinquain

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No Labels

Flexitarian

Pescatarian

Vegetarian

call it whatever you want

I Don’t Eat Meat!

I woke up the other day

thinking I knew

WHAT I was.

I was wrong.

I got an education in

the many types of vegetarianism

It is more complicated than I thought

apparently I’m NOT ONE

nope-- none of the above.

I actually thought I might be a Pescatarian

for half a minute

but I’m NOT that either

Sound frustrating?

All I know for certain is

that I don’t have any health problems

bleeding hemorrhoids

indigestion

or weight gain.

I exercise

I take my vitamins and

occasionally when the dust bunnies

threaten mutiny

I even vacuum.

I love Netflix

and frozen juice bars

peanut M&M’s

banana smoothies

salads, stuffed Portobello mushrooms

kale

and macaroni—of any kind

Actually I could live on the stuff.

Tofu is okay

Soy or bust

beans and peas and lentils

and curry and tacos and salsa

and fish and eggs and cheese

and ice-cream

gotta have that!

Life wouldn’t be worth living

without my ice-cream

and dark chocolate.

So WHAT I am-- is not even

close to a vegetarian

nope not at all

I just don’t eat meat.

I don’t color

inside no stinking lines

neither.

So call me whatever you want

I’ll still be blessed

with the right combination of

genes

locale and

skills.

Go roll that

in your

Űber hoity toity degree

and smoke it! 

Facebook Mania

Write  a poem using the following words: flood - crying - lost - hope - fun - laughter - rough. Words may be used in different formats (for example: cry, crying, cried) 

A downward spiral

has sucked my brain

into an alarming flood

of multitudinous meanderings.

Exotic monikers

light up my screen

new and old

parading requests

to come and have fun

let’s play games

text and extol

fanciful tales of joy

and woe. You are among friends.

A veritable montage of

learning follows

from a newborn’s first  hopeful cry, to

old best friends who have died too young

and others that married the football captain

the proctologist, and the now homeless

comedian as he muses on future

High School reunions.

Idle laughter distilled while

tracking

through

the thick confluence

of a rough relational glue

sold for a click

amid lost days

spent

dodging real

hopelessly caught up

in playing

pretend.

**Disclaimer—a creation.

I Don’t Eat Meat

Listen up okay, because I’m only going to say this once--I’m a vegetarian.

I don’t eat meat. 

I’m not a NUT.

I do eat  nuts, vegetables, fruit, noodles, soy, mushrooms, and beans.

Are you aware that they inject all kinds of antibiotics into that meat you eat?

Yes, that same food supply and those same corporations that are actually causing and perpetuating WORLD HUNGER, because we humans could be eating the grain that they are feeding to the cows, that could live quite well on GRASS, if we didn’t destroy the topsoil in this country’s heartland; livestock and chickens that are being injected with hormones to make them grow bigger and faster and forced to live in filthy cramped conditions, just so they can be slaughtered sooner to end up on your high priced plate next to that tiny gray vegetable that you cooked to death instead of steaming.

So I’m not saying that you shouldn’t eat meat, I’m saying that I don’t

and I would appreciate it if you stopped pushing your opinion down my throat

because opinions are like assholes,

everyone has one and they all stink.

And if you think that your shit is ICE-CREAM,

I got some swamp land in the desert for you.

Here, let me spell it out for you,

V- is for vegetables-fruits and grains, heart healthy nutrients feeding the world.

E- is for educated in diet and nutrition.

G- is for I’m game to kick your gamey ass—so don’t try to mix in any meat with that rice.

E- is for educated—is there an echo in here?

T- is for taught new and interesting recipes.

A- is for able to find plenty of viable alternatives to the protein equation.

R-is for ready to retrain my brain.

I-is for independent, so don’t get any smart ideas.

A-is for action and yes, I still have ALL my marbles.

N- is for NO, I don’t eat meat that means no red meat, no fowl, no pork, no lamb, no deer, alligator, rabbit,
 road kill, worms or insects even if they are dipped in CHOCOLATE.

Do you have it yet?

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Harvest Moon