Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Steps To Sanity



NOVEMBER is CRYSTAL METH AWARENESS MONTH--
My son is still in a program the twelfth or thirteenth— I've lost track. He’s been everywhere from Hina Mauka, a 28 Day short term treatment center on Oahu to the Salvation Army, to Habilitat, a long term residential facility and now Drug Court an outpatient two year state sponsored supervised release program. He’s about two months from graduating—and I’m holding my breath-- because what usually happens is he graduates and then he relapses about a week later. Then it takes the courts about a year to catch him because well-meaning ENABLERS will HELP him by giving him money, a place to sleep, and a  motorcycle to ride around in.  The legal system is burdened—there is an epidemic of drug addicts out there. We are the family of a Meth addict.

Don't get me wrong--my son has a job. He is in a responsible position and in a “relationship” according to his Facebook  status. We are NOT friends on Facebook. I am too embarrassing, too loud for his taste.  I want to share my book Letters to a Prisoner by Connie D. and that makes him uncomfortable—he wants to put all that behind him. He wants to MOVE ON with his life. 
My husband and I have been permanently changed.   GOD or WHOEVER  has left HIS  imprint on us-he’s tapped me on the shoulder, shaken  me, kicked me in the ASS a couple of times and rudely awoken me from my stupor which pretty much sums up the way I used to feel.  My face has premature lines, although I still look pretty according to my husband. Of course his near vision isn’t what it used to be.
Stressed out doesn’t even begin to cover it. It’s been over ten years. And yes, I still have hope. Go figure!
SO, HOW DO YOU SURVIVE—when your whole world is crashing down?
EASY, you start by taking care of YOURSELF.  You understand that there is absolutely NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE what THE ADDICT does. TRUST ME on this! It takes TIME to calm down, to snap out of your reverie but there is LOADS of THAT. YES GOD, I’M LISTENING!

** Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened. ~ Winston S. Churchill


Stay tuned for number two……

Monday, October 31, 2011

Happy Halloween


Punch in
punch out the freak
that glares from a dark niche
crimson canines bared tongue trickling  
verbose.

Verbose
morose fat toad
bluster soaked dripping cad
is quite mad drops now from rafter 
crawls on

Crawls on
past old paint flakes
reflecting on  dinner
in the old clapboard haunted house
spider.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Frenzy


I stuffed them all down
like a good little girl
urged to swallow her medicine.

Raw red meat
in a
black and white
world.

Tender tongues 
twisted and ripped-out
like an old rubber band.


As their groans
splashed crimson
across my
reckoning

distracted by my next meal
as a  mad ghoul
lunges past me,  down this dark corridor.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Rain


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Parkia Timoriana- Fabaceae-Pea Family


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Movement




I’m moving on
past
the old boundaries of
I do not do that
I don’t think I can
I’m too old and
I’m afraid.

I’m plotting a new course
steering clear of old distractions
three steps forward
two back
taking the time
to listen and learn.

Pressing on because I MUST
and sidetracked
because
I hunger for what is comfortable
choosing safety
quelling my passion.

AND yet, I thirst
to make a difference
to leave my mark
to plant a seed, my seed
in the wild weed-ridden
misconstrued fields.
Hoping to turn wildflowers
into diamond pink petals and
lavender lined gardens
into a redolent harvest
of hybrid teas.

My arms open
willing to absorb the risk
stir in a bit of pain, discomfort.
I step up
into judgment
reaching out past the wise ones
the kupuna who have led me up to this place
the highest, most precious peaks
in the shadow of the Koolau
spreading their velvet-green robes
beyond
my self-imposed
self-absorbed limits
crowning present possibilities
seated upon this
pivotal throne.

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