Leaving Neverland

What stopped me

all the time

was

the lack of cash

the self-doubt

the fear that I wouldn’t make it on my own

You assured me of that.

Everyone

including your mother, warned me to

put some money away

because even though I was in love

and blind

they know how you are.

I reasoned that the time was not right

that perhaps if I gave it a chance

I would change you

or even

see things from your

point of view

but

that never happened.

On countless occasions

when you snowed me

I had decided that I must be insane

to doubt you.

After all

you were a good provider

and always right

even when you were wrong

you were right

because

you told me so.

And I being the younger

less mature one

I would have to abide by that fact

unless of course

I could come up with some hard facts of my own

I didn’t.

I wanted so much to believe.

I gave up on myself when I met you

Your master plan was to shape me into a Wendy

I just had to cooperate

I didn’t

I fought you tooth and nail

You told me to just do it and not to think

Don’t think!

I thought

I don’t have to be here at all.

I can conjure another Peter Pan

he can claim me as one of the found

we can have adventures together

be kids

I could just be me.  And this Peter

this Peter would be proud.