Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Leaving Neverland


What stopped me
all the time
was
the lack of cash
the self-doubt
the fear that I wouldn’t make it on my own
You assured me of that.

Everyone
including your mother, warned me to
put some money away
because even though I was in love
and blind
they know how you are.
I reasoned that the time was not right
that perhaps if I gave it a chance
I would change you
or even
see things from your
point of view
but
that never happened.

On countless occasions
when you snowed me
I had decided that I must be insane
to doubt you.
After all
you were a good provider
and always right
even when you were wrong
you were right
because
you told me so.
And I being the younger
less mature one
I would have to abide by that fact
unless of course
I could come up with some hard facts of my own
I didn’t.
I wanted so much to believe.

I gave up on myself when I met you
Your master plan was to shape me into a Wendy
I just had to cooperate
I didn’t
I fought you tooth and nail
You told me to just do it and not to think
Don’t think!

I thought
I don’t have to be here at all.

I can conjure another Peter Pan
he can claim me as one of the found
we can have adventures together
be kids
I could just be me.  And this Peter

this Peter would be proud. 

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"Baxter" by Cornelia DeDona