Saturday, August 11, 2012

Las Vegas 2012



Lost Wages
Sin City
The Ninth Island
to us
Hawaii islanders
you gotta love it!
It’s the only place where you can
WIN BIG MONEY
and come away with all sorts of vices.
I mean if Jesus had that kind of pull,
the Republicans would be leading in the polls.

Over the last thirty five years,
I’ve been there at least a dozen times
probably more
only some of those times
I don’t want to talk about
if you get my drift

The dry heat
is another benefit
It’s the only place
that women my age
actually pay money to get to
and then spend more money
to moisturize through.


The top seller this year  is NAIL ART
for the low, low price
of $169.00
you can give yourself nail tattoos
AND DO YOUR OWN NAILS.
I mean for a child of the sixties that is HUGE!
I can actually paint my own `effin designs and flowers and GET THIS,
give myself a FRENCH MANICURE in like
FOUR DIFFERENT COLORS!
I have to admit
I was beside myself,
but I told all those pretty young girls and guys
wearing the painted nails
gold leaf togas and collagen
that I would have to get back to them.
FACE it,
I said to myself in the mirror
back at the hotel room
THERE IS NO MAGIC CURE TO AGING
If Ponce de Léon couldn’t find it in Florida
I would BET
it sure as hell ain’t in the desert.

What they DO HAVE lots of is DESSERT!

Desserts that come in all shapes and sizes
and then there’s the FOOD.
If all the homeless people in the world went to VEGAS,
it would solve the hunger problem.
DON”T TELL MONSANTO!
The locals already know this
that’s why they have signs that say:
I’ll admit it--I need a BEER.
These people are not stupid.

My excuse is
I love the shows.

This year we saw
Celine Dion,
and I bought a T-shirt,
The Jersey Boys
I bought a T-shirt,
AND
ABSINTHE,
and I took pictures
and bought
the raunchy underwear!
VEGAS, baby!

Next year I’m
visiting FAMILY
because frankly
all this
human trafficking
indulgence
and disgusting SEX
is exhausting!

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